Second generation awkward.
So back in the 90’s I had a little hairdo called the Utah Claw, friends this hair situation had a name all to itself. It involved gallons of hairspray, curling irons, burns to the forehead and really could have made Newton rethink his law of gravity. It was the pinnacle of my awkward phase, the pictures are painful. No reasonable person should have allowed me to leave the house, I personally would have wrestled the blow dryer from my sweaty pre-teen palms. I was committed to that hair, I had to get up crazy early to get a smooth shellacked roll of hair to stand straight off my head and coax a very wispy set of strands to lay like a sausage across my forehead. Looking back on pictures I’m pretty sure we didn’t own a single mirror, not one. Was there not one human that saw me and didn’t love me enough to shave my head? When I get to Heaven and see my beloved Grandma again my first question will be...did you have cataracts? Because if not our whole relationship is a lie.
Now here I sit, my son has crocheted his very own hat. I mean, that’s awesome, right? A 7-year-old boy crochets a hat that he is proudly wearing around. It is so awesome to see how dang proud he is in this thing. But guys, he was so excited he stopped about an inch above his ears, so like a skull cap. And then he added an under chin strap. It’s startling. Lucas walked in the door and all he did was look at me and say “that hat”. We laughed so hard we were practically rolling on the ground. He is 7 and it looks like his awkward phase will probably be more amazing than mine. Don’t get me started on how he likes to roll his socks down, so he has an ankle donut. I just can’t. I must have been so proud of my bangs that my Dad just didn’t have the heart to tell me. Tomorrow my child will launch into the world and unless the hat gets “lost” overnight, I will allow his utter humiliation. Don’t worry I’m taking lots of pictures to show his future girlfriends.
Meanwhile, I have bigger fish to fry. Two days ago my non-hat maker stated he thinks women find men’s nipples attractive. So yeah, if you thought you didn’t parent well today, at least your 5-year-old isn’t thinking of how best to display his nipples for the ladies. It’s never dull, not one day is dull.