How did we get to this place
“Mom, when we go to school you can babysit someone else’s kids so you’re not lonely”. Oh, the innocence of children. It’s true, I will miss the life affirming angry screams of someone who’s lego creation has just fallen apart for the 10th time today. I may forget I’m needed if someone isn’t constantly asking for a snack while they eat lunch. I may very well fall into a deep depression once the bathroom light remains off while not in use. I am willing to brave these challenges, actually, I am in ecstasy just thinking about it.
This is where I insert the obligatory “don’t get me wrong I love my kids”, but I decided that wasn’t exactly right. I do love them, but trying to love motherhood has been my journey over the last 7.5 years, it has been a slow build and an uphill climb, like the kind of climb where you have a blister on your heel, are running out of water and you forgot to put on deodorant. Watching me learn to mother must have been very similar to watching someone write a check at the grocery store, you know, painful and super confusing because WHERE IS YOUR DEBIT CARD. In my defense, I was kinda working blind, raised as an only child by a single father I was not prepared for all these penises. Not only that, I grew up in Utah, Salt Lake to be exact, and all of my neighbors had two loving parents and approximately 1 million brothers and sisters. I saw those families from the outside, you know where everything looks amazing, all heart eyes and hugs. I had no concept of what it looked like at bedtime or when your person peed on the floor again (the volume of urine I’ve cleaned up is unreal). So basically I spent a lot of time wondering why motherhood was so hard for me, why am I yelling, why are these kids trying to simultaneously burn the house down and rip each other's arms off. Again, I was an only child, an introverted girl, I was not adequately prepared for raising boys. I finally feel like I have my feet under me, my hair has been brushed for more than 1 day in a row. I’ve trained my people to put away their breakfast dishes. I can now officially say I’m one bad ass mother.
I’m jumping into this blogging word as if it’s the middle of the 2000’s because honestly, I’m at that age where I’m shocked on the daily that it isn’t 2007. At the beginning of 2017, I decided this year was going to be all about ease and flow. I’ve reminded myself of those words as I’ve faced tough choices, had hard days and also as I’ve parented my dudes. Ease and flow have also shaped my plans for all of the free time I’ll have when September rolls around. I’ve been asking God for direction for about the last 6 months and I’ve set about listening so I didn’t miss it. What I heard was several people telling me I should write. Which is hilarious because my grammar and spelling are not exactly on point, but it came to me from so many sides I thought “I hear you and it’s a good thing I’m not afraid of being embarrassed”. I also have a huge passion for digging into people's histories to find out what makes them tick, what has shaped their lives and especially what puts a smile on their faces. I hope to get the opportunity to interview interesting women and share it here, in the near future. I’m ready to ride the wave of ease and flow into my next big challenge. Here I go!
I will leave you with a little gem from one of my boys, “I’ll be as quick as a dick”. Until next time internet friends.